Celestial Guardian
by PigeonChicks
Summary: Update: Forced into a final confrontation, Luna and Albus' lives are threatened by a being who is barely human anymore. Will they survive the encounter? Will Luna be able to return to her own time?
1. Chapter 1

**Celestial Guardian**

Luna Lovegood was sitting cross-legged on her bed making a small doll out of rough, burlap cloth. Adding the hair of Peony Pennypepper to its insides, she carefully and fondly stitched it shut.

"There," she smiled with droopy eyes, "it's finished. Now Peony will stop lighting my text books on fire and inappropriately propositioning me."

Then, with the tender love of friendship, she started to stab it violently with pins.

"Ah, using the friendship dolls I see! It's an ancient practice from Antarctica that causes the person to realize how wonderful you are by activating the friendship nerves, which are located throughout the body." Xenophilius, a nosy father, randomly poked his head into her room.

"Father, you've already explained this to me several times." Luna smiled. "I think I'll enjoy getting to know Peony better. She has an interesting aura."

* * *

Peony, also on holiday, was sitting at the large oak dining table with her family. About to bite delicately into some foie gras stuffed with caviar, she suddenly stiffened and sat upright straight as a board.

"What's wrong, Peony? Did you chip a tooth on your diamond cutlery?" Her mother, plump and refined, looked over at her child in half-interest.

Peony opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words, blood trickled out. With a vague gurgle, she fell face-first into her expensive meal. Then blood geysered out from invisible holes about her body.

"Oh my GOD!"

Mother, father, and servants all rushed to her side, but it was already too late. She had expired.

Even years later they were never able to account for Peony's sudden and violent demise. Nor the string of similar deaths that plagued Great Britain that summer.

* * *

Luna, smiling hopefully, put the doll next to several others on a shelf. Thanks to the magic of the dolls she anticipated having many new friends once she returned to Hogwarts.

"I have received a new shipment of _mysterious artifacts_ from my suppliers. Would you like to help me catalogue them and discover their functions?" Luna's father asked with a smile.

His suppliers were nonexistent. He dug through the trash to find trinkets. Luna would unwittingly clean them and he would sell them for a hefty markup to foreigners.

"Sure, Father!" She smiled, loving every precious moment she could spend with her only family.

"Excellent!" He took out a grungy sack and dumped the junk all over her bed. "You sort through this, and I'll sit in the study watching por- reading."

"What are these for?" Luna pointed to a banana peel, dead rat, and collection of eggshell fragments.

"Don't be fooled by their appearance. There are mysterious powers in these items." He then left.

Luna sifted through the pile, looking at the various trinkets and at objects that, to anyone else, would clearly look like rubbish.

"How fascinating. They found some rare pieces indeed!" She murmured.

Finally, something shiny and golden caught her eye. It had clearly been long neglected. The small, golden hourglass was cracked had a long chain.

"Based on its aura, I'd say that this is a powerful, very old artifact. It must have been used to repel evil spirits." She then turned it over. The name 'Hermione' was written on the bottom. "Good gracious! King HEEMEENEE! He was the tyrant butcher king of the former Magical Ottoman Empire. This must indeed be a ritualistic piece. I am so very fortunate to be holding it. I wonder how it works?"

She looped the chain around her neck and turned the hourglass over...

"Now I'm protected from all forms of evil!" She smiled.

Suddenly, she felt a strong, sudden pressure on her chest. The wind was knocked out of her and, as she gasped for breath, she felt herself being pulled while simultaneously spinning.

"My word." She gasped as she fought to get her breath back. "My bedroom was rife with evil spirits. What fortuitous timing that I have just put this on."

Struggling, she turned the hourglass the way it had been before and everything suddenly stopped. As she was now suspended several feet above the ground, she fell painfully on her bottom. Standing up, she saw to her surprise that she was now in an empty field. The sky was grey and a cold wind blew through the grass.

"Oh my!" She recognized the field. "This is where my house should be. My father was certainly correct that there were house-stealing ogres in the area. I'll have to report this incident to the Ministry right away!"

She walked from the field to the main path into town. As she passed alleys and streets, she was surprised to note that even more buildings were missing.

"This is serious! It's an epidemic." She looked wide-eyed around her.

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Mysterious vanishing!" A small newspaper boy was shouting.

"I'll take one, please!" Luna rushed up, eager to discover what was being done about the house-snatching problems.

She flipped open the newspaper and looked at the headline. Her eyebrows creased on confusion.

"What? Children are disappearing at Hogwarts? But it's summer!" She looked up at the date. "This can't be! It says that I'm about 150 years in the past." She paused to think. "So the buildings haven't disappeared. They just haven't been built yet. I see. This wasn't King HEEMEENEE's anti-spirit ward, it was Duke HARMEEMOI's fantasticle time traveling wheeze." She tried to turn it the other way in order to reach her own time, but nothing happened. "Ah, the unreliability of antiquities." She sighed. "I supposed I shall have to see about this trouble at Hogwarts. Perhaps someone there can fix this device."

She slipped it underneath her shirt. She continued on to Hogwarts, knowing that the current headmaster had a fondness for antiquities, and thus would be able to help her get back to her present.

"It can't be helped." She raised her arms and disapparated.

She re-appeared in Hogsmeade, which was as close as anyone could get to Hogwarts. Heading towards the school, she barely heard someone cry,

"Look out!" in way of warning before a running person collided with her.

Falling over in a tangled heap, she felt the hourglass press painfully into her ribs. It shattered and disappeared, returning to its own time. Stunned and crestfallen, she was crushed by the weight of her sudden realization that she had no way of returning to her own time alive. She would never be able to see her friends and family again, and would be trapped for the rest of her life.

-Oh well. No sense crying over spilt milk.- She thought.

"Are you alright?" the boy who had crashed into her asked.

She was helped to her feet by the tall, lanky youth. She looked at him in confusion, having a strange sense of deja vu.

"You aura is very silver." She gave her introduction.

"I'm so very sorry." He looked truly apologetic. "I was late for class and wasn't watching where I was going. Anyway, I'll make it up to you! Meet me back here after school and I'll treat you to some butterbeer." He started to jog away.

"What is your name?" She called out after him.

His response left her feeling like she had been hit by a charging hippogriff.

"Albus! Albus Dumbledore. See you later!"

And he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Luna wandered around the small village of Hogsmeade taking in all of the new sights. Although buildings were missing, she found that the ones that did exist were cleaner, brighter, and covered in less student graffiti. It seemed the very essence of a healthy hamlet. People called out to her as she walked by with "Good day!" and other such village greetings. She floated past them all like a transparent ghost, detached from the world and absorbed in her own thoughts.

"Now that I'm in a different time, I shall have to find a way to survive on my own. We'll have to start with the essentials: food and shelter." She mused to herself.

A short time later found her in the woods outside of Hogsmeade building herself a small shelter of branches and leaves. She set up snares to catch rabbits and fashioned herself a small spear of aspen to catch fish and quail. Luna was quite accustomed to living in the woods, as her father would often take her on such trips, claiming that,

"We can live free and rely only on ourselves - breaking out of the shackles of our oppressive government!"

These trips tended to occur after he had written something offensive in his newspaper and received angry letters, the bills from the bank had piled up, or some invisible monster had taken to inhabiting their house.

Feeling a slight rumbling in her stomach, Luna decided to press deeper into the woods in order to find some sustenance. Because future Hogwarts never allowed students into the Forbidden Forest, Luna was quite unaware that she had actually entered it. As the cheerful birdsong faded and the light became scarce, Luna started to wonder where the good eats were. Well before she started to lose hope, Luna noticed an obvious path of disturbed undergrowth. The grass was parted and the overhanging branches were broken as though a large animal had moved through.

"Excellent! Surely it is moose or deer." She had a hankering for venison.

She followed the path deeper and deeper into the woods. She noticed something fluttering out of the corner of her eye and bent down to take a look at the out-of-place scrap of cloth.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash behind her and she whirled around. Even Luna's sleepy eyes widened in surprise at the sight that greeted her. A giant, giant, wizened old spider stood tall behind the tiny blond. The spider's name was Saragog, great-great grandmother of Aragog. Sensing a disturbance in her forest, she had come to investigate only to find this meddling human who, admittedly, was looking quite tasty and slow-witted. Clicking her mandibles with glee, she lunged forward. Had she possessed that faculty, Saragog would have laughed at the puny spear that the girl held up in defense. Saragog easily sidestepped the spear held in the girl's left hand and headed towards her exposed right side.

"_Avada Kadavra_!" Luna suddenly cast the killing curse at her prospective meal. The spider had unwittingly moved directly into range of her wand, which she had held at the ready in her right hand and concealed from view by her cloak.

Saragog crumpled up into a large heap of twitching deadness, lying still in the middle of the path.

"Good." Luna smiled sleepily. "Now I can eat for days."

Levitating the spider behind her, she returned to her base camp where she intended to light a campfire and smoke the spider meat in order to preserve it. Looking at the position of the sun, she saw that she had only two hours before her meeting with Dumbledore. Although it was somewhat strange, she found herself a little more at ease to have a familiar face here - even if he had no idea who she was. She giggled to herself, as Dumbledore was unaware that she knew him, or that she knew who he would become 150 years later. She suddenly stopped walking as a revelation hit her.

"The time rules." She gasped quietly. "He can't know that I'm here or my identity - otherwise he'll know in the future and somehow that will be bad! The entire universe will collapse in upon itself if I interrupt the time magical continuity paradox! I must make a disguise."

Knowing she had next to no money, Luna gave the spider exoskeleton a rather pointed glance.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore stood where he had earlier bowled over a young lady, impatiently checking his watch. He had noticed that she seemed lost and dazed and, assuming her to be a new student, believed that she was overwhelmed. He intended to show her around the campus to make her feel more at home.

"Sorry I'm late!"

Albus turned around and froze in shock and horror. He had been expecting a lovely young lady and found instead some kind of freak monster was jogging towards him. Some brown lumpy helmet that seemed to resemble a giant spider's head covered the top half of her face to just below the tip of her nose. Although the bottom of her face was that of a normal, teenage girl, the unseeing spider eyes intimidated the speech right out of him.

"I had to grab some food earlier and it took a little longer than expected." Luna gave a slow giggle.

"No problem. Shall we?" He shook off her bizarre appearance and offered his arm.

"Of course!" She missed taking his arm and walked off in the wrong direction, as the mask was hard to see through.

"I believe it's this way." He smiled and gestured in the other direction.

"Right." Luna continued to fail at going in the right direction.

Dumbledore paused. "Why don't you take off your mask? It seems to be impairing you vision." He suggested.

"NO!" She sounded horrified. "I can't!"

"Well, it's obviously very important to you." He decided, against the evidence of the freaky spider hat, that it was some kind of delicate lady issue that he had no interest in hearing about. He cast a spell that poked out two little eye holes.

"Ah, much better!" Luna smiled, a grotesque sight indeed.

"By the bye, what should I call you? As I mentioned earlier, my name is Albus." He smiled, leading the way to Hogsmeade Pub.

"Nula. Nula Hatebad." It was a bizarre name.

"It suits you." Dumbledore smiled.

The two sat down, Luna earning them incredulous and alarmed glances. Dumbledore was becoming increasingly amused by it all.

"You seem like you're new to the school. How are you settling in at Hogwarts? Is there anything you need to ask?" He offered over a mug of butterbeer.

"Oh, the school's fine but I'm becoming quite alarmed by these reports of students going missing. Does anyone know what's going on?" She looked imploringly at him through her monster face.

"I've just heard rumors. Naturally, students are the least reliable source of information. However, we always lose students at the start of every term - usually first years who wander into the Forbidden Forest and are beset by monsters. If you stay out of there, you should be fine." He smiled warmly.

"Oh, thanks for the advice!" She laughed nervously.

Remembering the scrap of cloth she had seen before being attacked by the giant spider, Luna realized with a start that that must have been the culprit. She leaned back, a little smug with herself, reveling in her super hero-like anonymous good deeds.

"So where are you from?" He asked good-naturedly.

"London." She lied.

"Ah, so you come quite a ways. London is a very lovely city. My grandfather used to live there."

"But it's the seat of corruption and the centre of the dissemination of all lies." Luna sat up straight.

"You don't say." He had no idea what to say in response.

"They're always trying to silence my father!"

"If he's as outspoken as you are, I can't imagine why." He mused. "So is this your first time living on your own?" He quickly changed the subject.

Luna looked a little downcast. "Yes."

"Don't worry, you'll become accustomed to it. In fact, I'd wager by the change in your attire that you are quite a resourceful young lady."

"My God, you really DO always talk like an old man." Luna thought, but then said what she was thinking out loud.

Dumbledore laughed. "Indeed. I have the diction of the elderly coupled with the folly of youth." His eyes twinkled, not yet possessing their laugh lines. "I find your blunt honesty refreshing. Too many students work too hard to impress me, since I am Head Boy."

"Of course you would be head boy." Luna continued to lack a filter between her brain and mouth. "I've always wondered what the criteria for someone becoming Head Boy was."

Dumbledore gave her a serious look. "Well, you must be at least six feet tall and promise to wear a long silver beard until the day you die."

The two laughed, inexplicably getting along. After chatting for another hour, the two decided to call it an evening since there was school the following day. As Luna settled down into her mattress of pine boughs, she couldn't help but feel a little more at home.

* * *

The next day, Luna again wandered into Hogsmeade. She didn't bother wearing her spider mask around people who weren't going to live long enough to meet her again, and thus didn't draw any strange looks from the townsfolk. Due to her previous heroics, the sun seemed that much brighter and the birds sounded that much merrier.

"Care for a Daily Prophet, miss?" Some kind of squib urchin offered her the paper.

"Thank you." She handed him some sickles and continued on, flipping it open.

**Headmaster Scrambles For Answers At New Disappearance! Body Found in the Woods**

Luna all but dropped the paper in surprise. The boy had gone missing that very morning, meaning that the spider she had killed couldn't have been responsible. On top of that, one of the previous missing children's bodies had been found relatively intact.

"Spiders always eat their victims." Luna whispered in horror.

The menace was still loose at Hogwarts and Dumbledore could be in danger! She had to protect time as it should be.

"There's no other way: I must go to Hogwarts and get to the bottom of all of this." She said resolutely.

Donning her spider mask, she ran off toward the school.


	3. Chapter 3

Students milled around the courtyard, talking to one another and generally being average, everyday students. Who had a crush on Jason Miller? Who was a giant slut? Why were there strange moans coming from the boy's lavatory? It was the central nervous system of all school rumors and information. That much hadn't changed in Luna's time, so this was the first place she went.

"EYAH!" A girl shrieked as Luna suddenly clapped a powerful hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong with you?" She added, seeing Luna's spider face.

"I need to know!" Luna shouted passionately. "What do you know about the recent student disappearances?"

"Don't touch me!" The girl jerked away and walked off in a hurry.

Everyone turned to stare at this centre of attention and there was a brief silence.

"Nice hat!" Some jackass yelled, and everyone laughed.

"YOU!" She ran up to the boy, mistaking his bullying has a compliment. "What do you know?"

"Hey, I'm sorry!" He was suddenly intimidated by her flailing limbs and unseeing spider eyes. "I didn't mean it!" She continued to approach. "Here, okay? JUST TAKE IT!" He screamed, throwing his lunch money at her and running away, his trousers somewhat damp.

Luna, taken aback, pocketed the friendly gift. She turned to the boy's friend, a somewhat chubbier lad. He emitted a squeak and followed his friend.

"Clearly everyone is too frightened to talk! The happenings about Hogwarts are very sinister indeed!" Luna announced her thoughts loudly.

"You there! I hear you've been frightening students." She turned around to a somewhat familiar face. "That's very inappropriate considering these dangerous times."

"Why, hello Professor Binns." Luna's eyes widened in recognition. "You look very nice alive."

Professor Binns paused, feeling vaguely threatened.

"I'm sorry?"

"Being alive really suits you. Not like later." Luna smiled sleepily.

"Alright, you're going to have to come with me." Professor Binns grabbed her by the back of her sweater and started firmly marching her towards the castle.

"Ah, so you wish to aid me in my investigation of these incidents at Hogwarts!" Luna perked up.

"It's too dangerous for students to be investigating something like that. And take off that damn mask, you're frightening everyone!" He snapped.

"I can't!" Luna recoiled, trying to pull away. "It's protecting my identity."

Professor Binns paused, really truly at a loss.

"Are you...are you feeling alright?" He asked, checking her for a fever.

"I'm fine!" She insisted.

"Look, why don't come back to my office. Maybe if you explain things to me I can...um...help you with your investigation." Professor Binns was eager to have her stop agitating the other students and to prove to himself that she wasn't insane or dangerous.

* * *

They had relocated to Professor Binns' office, where he shut the door in order to make her feel comfortable enough to talk about whatever crazy thoughts were plaguing her.

"This is a safe space. No one else can eavesdrop or hear you from the outside. It's just you and me. So if there's something that you need or want to talk to me about, feel free to speak your mind. You can trust me." He said, making it clear that he was quite serious.

"You're so nice!" Luna smiled. "I wonder what happened after you died?"

"What are you trying to say? Because it almost sounds like you're threatening me." Professor Binns admitted. "And I should say that, as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, attacking me would be quite unwise."

"Wow! You used to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher? That's great! I'm impressed that you have such a wide variety of interests. Well, I guess it's okay to confide in you since no one listens to ghosts." He flinched again. "My real name is Luna. Luna Lovegood. But here, I have to go by my alias: Nula Hatebad."

"Why?" He gave her a sideways look.

She took her spider mask off, revealing a cute but sleepy face and a cascade of blond hair.

"I'm confused. If you look fine, why were you wearing the mask? I thought for sure you'd at least be ugly or something." Professor Binn's head was starting to hurt.

"I'm from the future. 150 years to be exact." Luna said with a bitter smile. "I have to wear this mask to protect my identity from those who will know me in the future."

"I'm pretty sure that no one will live that- wait! I'm a ghost?" Professor Binns accepted her story because they lived in a magical society and crap like this happened all the time. "Why am I a ghost? Am I murdered horribly or something? Do I haunt the castle?"

"No, you mostly just teach history and ignore everything." Luna admitted. "That's why I don't know anything about you - you're very boring in the future."

"AGH!" Professor Binns cried, grabbing the sides of his head, "This is horrible! It's like the worst news you could give someone ever! Not only will I become a ghost, but I'll have to teach history?"

"You seem upset. I think I'll give you some time with your thoughts." Luna suggested, standing up and putting her spider mask back on.

"Wait! If no one will listen to me in the future, and everyone here will be dead, why do you need to wear that god-awful thing?"

"Oh, Albus Dumbledore will live a long life and survive well past 150 years. He becomes the next headmaster." Luna replied.

"WHAT? That little asshole? With his arrogance and contempt for authority!" His mind firmly broken for the moment, Professor Binns curled up into a little ball and started to cry.

Taking this as her cue to leave and gather evidence, Luna headed out.

As she emerged into the hallway, a girl screamed at the sight of her.

"What the hell is it with you creepy club members and spiders?" She shouted. "And how did they let you in anyway? Everyone knows it's boys only."

"Creepy club?" Luna felt a new and unfamiliar sensation - suspicion. "What club?"

"You mean you're not a member and you're willingly wearing that thing on your head? I thought it was some kind of hazing ritual!" The girl was disgusted." They're meeting right now if you're interested. The room just down the hall and to the left. A pretty spider girl like you would go over swimmingly, I'm sure. Just keep it a secret from the teachers, or else they'll bully you." The girl stormed off.

"This must be it!" Luna whispered excitedly.

She rushed down the hallway and burst into the specified room. She stopped, staring at the scene before her.

Students were sitting around in strange robes with the hoods pulled back lounging around as though waiting for something. They were playing cards and gossiping. Aside from the strange symbol at the front of the room that they covered up as soon as they realized she was there, the gathering was pathetically normal-looking.

"What are you doing in here? This is an exclusive, boys-only club! It's the sacred fraternity Kappa-Sigma-Kappa-Kappa-Kappa!" One of the boys stood to shoo her out.

"If this is just an innocent fraternity, then why are you keeping it a secret from the teachers?" Luna asked as she was pushed from the room.

"Because it's cooler this way!" The boy responded before slamming the door shut behind him.

"Huh." She wondered what this 'cool' was.

"It's not that we have an unhealthy attraction to spiders, we just like them very much." She heard a male voice drifting down the hall.

Thinking quickly, Luna dove behind a floor-length tapestry in order to eavesdrop.

"Colin, I'm starting to have misgivings about hiding this from the faculty. If you're truly just an innocent fraternity, why do you need to hide its existence from the staff?" Luna recognized Dumbledore's voice. "As Head Boy I could get in a lot of trouble for keeping this a secret, as all club activities must be reviewed and approved by a Hogwarts Professor."

"Albus, you know as much as anyone how nosy those professors are! We just want a place to hang out with only the people we like, without their scrutiny and consternation. I know that I said we would only keep it a secret for a few months, but it's just so much fun that I don't really want to ever tell them." The voice that belonged to Colin admitted.

They paused just in front of the tapestry and Luna could peek out and see the two in their little conference. Somehow they failed to notice the creepy spider head poking out. Dumbledore was talking to a very good-looking brunette.

"I realize this, Colin, but I'm really beginning to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation. It's irritating, but with all of the disappearances, the staff really do need to know where we are at all times in case there is an emergency. It's mostly for your own safety." Dumbledore pressed, very serious.

"Come now, Albus." Colin put a hand on his shoulder and leaned in close. "We're not children anymore and we'll soon be adults. Surely we are able to make these kinds of decisions for ourselves." He gave a winning smile.

Dumbledore looked vaguely uncomfortable and Luna noticed a slight flush creep across his cheeks. He tried valiantly to shake it off, and pushed Colin's hand from his shoulder.

"Then the consequences are yours to face." He stormed off, and only Luna could see that he was blushing furiously.

"That one may turn out to be trouble." She heard Colin mutter before he entered the room to the hearty greetings of the other boys.

Luna took in this overwhelmingly telling evidence and gleaned only one crucial point.

"I knew he was gay-sauce." She smiled to herself, watching the awkward teen Dumbledore hurry away from his conflicted feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

Albus entered the common room and sat down heavily onto the plain, faded scarlet couch. He gave a heavy sigh and put his face into his hands. Colin was so very troublesome! He clearly knew that he was generally beloved and could practically get away with murder, what with that charming smile of his. It was exasperating! Now that Colin was starting to come of age and growing into a very attractive young man, Albus was finding his own attractiveness fading by comparison and it was harder and harder for him to get away with his many shenanigans. Moreover, despite his feelings of discomfort and animosity, he found himself wanting to spend more and more time around the rebellious youth. But as soon as he got there, he wanted to leave. Conflicted, he would often retreat, feeling rather flustered. It was most perplexing.

"I said, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT!"" Albus heard the portrait of the Thin Lady scream.

"Don't worry, societal beauty standards are completely arbitrary anyway. Inner beauty is what counts... you'd better start working on that." He heard a familiar, sleepy voice reply.

"No." He uttered in disbelief.

There was no way the Spider Girl could be in Gryffindor. He would have noticed it before. He'd always assumed she was from Hufflepuff.

"What is your problem?" The Thin Lady screeched. "If you don't have the password, I'm not letting you in, so just BUGGER OFF!" Her delicate feelings hurt, she was starting to sob.

"There, there" Luna tried ineffectively to wipe off her running mascara, but failed since she was a painting.

The Thin Lady was about to make a snide remark about spider faces when she felt herself being pushed open. She hated how little power she truly had as an inanimate object and wished that she hadn't eaten that cursed pudding.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing, Nula?" Albus demanded irately, still in a bad temper.

"Investigating." She answered simply.

"Investigating what?" He sighed.

"The recent disappearances. They're very concerning to me."

"Is that why you've taken to wearing a spider face?" He was still hoping for an answer to that one.

"In a manner of speaking." She smiled evasively.

"Well, I won't keep you, then. I've had a very busy day, so I think I'm going to go to sleep now. Safe journeys on your way back to Hufflepuff." He said firmly, dropping the strong social hint that she should leave.

"Wow, the furniture's so boring!" Luna breathed, walking into the Common Room. Somehow Albus failed to stop her.

"Look, you really shouldn't be in here. People from other houses need to be accompanied by a friend." He said curtly.

She turned to face him. "Oh." He could almost swear that her multi-faceted spider eyes seemed sad, lonely, and hurt all at once.

He felt a twist in his stomach. "So it's very lucky that you happened by when I was in the Common Room. Ha ha!" He laughed nervously.

"Oh, that's because I followed you!" She smiled.

"Um." Albus prepared to give his stalker rejection speech.

"I was hoping you could help me with my investigation." She added.

"Look, I'm very flattered, but, as Head Boy, I'm not really in the market for dating. I have many responsibilities that would make it impossible to be a good partner and it would just end badly and ruin our already stunning friendship." He smoothly recited.

She looked at him again with a peaceful and knowing, yet slightly stupid, expression.

"Oh, I'm quite serious about the investigation. Besides, I'm well aware that you don't exactly favor the fairer sex." She giggled.

Albus blanched. He did a quick thirty-second cardio workout as he dashed about the Common Area and the stairs to make sure that no one had heard. He jogged back up to her, quite out of breath.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He hissed. "I'm Head Boy and live in a group dormitory. I can't have people thinking that, why would you even say such a thing? Do you have any idea what would happen?" He wasn't even sure if he knew.

"Don't worry, no one talks to me anyway. So about the investigation-"

"How did you know?" He blanched further. "Is it really obvious? What should I do?" He started pacing nervously. "Because if someone like you could figure it out, then the whole school must know." He moaned.

"I was checking out that all-boy's club and happened to see your exchange with Colin from behind a tapestry." She offered.

"How could I have possibly miss that monstrously eye-catching face of yours?" He murmured, lost in thought.

"You were too distracted by his smile and trying to hide your own delicate feelings." Luna sounded strangely wise.

"Ah, how amazing spider eyes are that they can cause such an optical illusion." Dumbledore gave a weak smile and offered a confidential wink.

"Yes. Especially in dark hallways." Luna put a finger against her lips, indicating mum. "It's a wonder spiders can see anything at all. And on the note of spiders, I happened to overhear that your acquaintance's club has a strange fixation on them."

"What? Oh, yes. They are constantly drawing doodles of them in their notebooks, using the word as a affix and, if I'm not mistaken, have already developed code words to identify other members and to classify others."

"Oh?" Luna was intrigued.

"Yes. They seem to ask, 'Did you eat lunch with Susie Sycamore?' and if the person responds, 'yes', then they are identifying themselves as a member. I checked the roster and there is no such student, but she seems to never be wanting for a lunch date." He winked, somewhat back to himself, "The rest I think is a silly sort of school boy tree fort club kind of thing. I think they use it to gossip about which girls they fancy. Like, "Did she get a hair cut?" I think means that someone fancies her, since I don't hear it all that often. "I hear she's failing potions" probably means that she is of average looks, since I hear it all the time. I think that "Isn't her father a barrister?" indicates someone who they find unpleasant, since I have found that after they say that, they ostracize her." Dumbledore explained. "It took me several months to work that out, and most people probably don't even notice it."

"A secret language? That sounds sinister. Who knows what they could be plotting?" Luna looked pensive.

"I hardly think it's anything so grand. Merely young boys trying to feel special and like they have some kind of control over their quickly-changing world." Albus sighed.

"Well, it's my only lead so far. Outside of investigating the faculty, I don't see what else there is to look at at the moment." Luna insisted.

Albus could tell that she wasn't going to stop going on about the damn investigation. Knowing that she lacked tact in every sense of the word, he decided to cooperate in the interests of damage control. Besides, despite his better judgment, he was growing attached to the crazy young lady.

"I see. Well, then, if the school is at risk, I am obligated and duty-bound to get to the bottom of it. I shall accompany you." He announced somewhat grandly.

"Really?" Luna looked happy. "Bescause, like I said, no one will talk to me."

"We'll start tomorrow." Albus gave a reassuring nod.

"Thank you so much!" She smiled brightly.

"You'd better head back to your dormitory and get some sleep." He suggested, somewhat firmly. "See you tomorrow."

* * *

Luna was in the girl's washroom raiding the toilet paper before heading back to her new forest home for the night. While she enjoyed using the facilities, that was not an option after curfew.

Suddenly, the door opened and a girl with long, black hair and brown eyes entered. Taking one look at Luna, her eyes widened, and she quickly left.

"I guess she didn't need to after all." Luna mused, stuffing the rest of the toilet paper into her robes, and leaving the bathroom.

She came upon the girl from earlier talking to a crowd of boys that she recognized as the ones who belonged to that weird spider club.

"Hey, Babs. You're looking good this evening." One boy smiled.

Babs looked uncertain, clearly weirded out by their strange club. "Thanks?" And, noticing Luna, quickly continued on her way.

As Luna departed in the opposite direction, she heard the boys talking.

"Did she get her hair cut?" One asked in approval.

"Yes." Another replied. "I think she did."

And they laughed merrily and continued along their way.

"Boys sure are strange. I wonder what he sees in them." She muttered, and then exited the castle.


	5. Chapter 5

When Luna arrived at Hogwarts the next day, she found the atmosphere to be one of hushed and unspoken panic. People were staying together in tight groups, speaking barely above a whisper, and refusing to acknowledge her existence. As she approached the Great Hall, she noticed a large crowd and went to investigate. The crowd, in a respect born of fear, parted and she easily passed to the front. Her eyes widened.

"What?" She breathed.

It was the girl from the other night, who the boys had called Babs. A large picture was hanging on the wall and a small mountain of beautiful flowers was slowly growing. There was a book at the front of the room where students were writing tearful and heartfelt messages to Babs' family.

"This is the fourth one in two months." Dumbledore came up behind her. "The time in between disappearances has been decreasing." He gave a bitter smile. "This, to me, seems to indicate that whoever is doing this has just begun and is growing accustomed to taking lives. I can only imagine that the murder rate will continue to accelerate."

"This is why our investigation must continue!" Luna said emphatically, her spider eyes glinting. "These deaths cannot continue. I saw her just last night."

"Wait, you saw Babs last night?" Albus hissed in a hushed whisper.

Luna opened her mouth to speak, but since Albus had a good feel for her character, he tactfully removed her from the room before she could say anything incriminating. Once they were safely in an abandoned classroom, he let her speak.

"Yes. I was just...leaving the washroom and happened to see her. Then a group of boys commented after she left that they felt that she had had a haircut recently." Luna explained.

"I could see why they'd fancy her - she's quite pretty." Albus smiled in amusement. "But I don't see how this is pertinent to-"

"You can't let your feelings of camaraderie blind you. I think your interpretation of their code is erroneous and that you are conveniently missing their true intentions." Luna intoned darkly.

"Nula, they are my classmates! They're regular people like anyone else at this school. There's no way that any of us would have the inclination to make people disappear, much less murder them!" Albus was becoming visibly upset.

"When did they first start meeting?" Luna demanded.

"I'm not sure. I think it was about three months ago?" Albus said warily.

"And when did the disappearances start?" Luna pressed.

"About two months ago." He did not like where this was going.

"So don't you think we ought to at least entertain the possibility that these two things may be related?"

"I think we'd need a little more to go on than timing and code phrases." He gave her a cold look.

"Alright." She turned and started walking away.

It was so abrupt, that Albus had to take a few moments to collect himself.

"Where are you going?" He kept pace with her.

"To the library. I remember seeing that strange symbol that they were so quick to conceal from me. I'm curious what they have to hide."

"So you're going to the library to see if you can find information on the symbol?" Albus gave her a dubious look.

"That's what I said." Luna grinned in that spacey way of hers.

* * *

Many hours later found the two of them sitting at a table, having practically given up. There was a pile of opened books stacked one on top of the other and a sad lack of results from their detailed research. Luna, a marathon race horse in regards to research, was still intently flipping through yet another book on the symbols of ancient cultures. Albus, prone to doing little research at all, was idly flipping through an art book full of nude busts.

"Ah, classical art. So civilized." He grinned lecherously. "Nothing like the grace of the male form. Of course, only from the perspective of an art connoisseur" He added hastily.

"Of course." Luna murmured, barely listening.

She flipped the page of her book. Her eyes widened. "This is it!" She exclaimed.

"SHUT UP"! A woman who looked identical to Madame Prince shrieked. "Honestly, your appalling spider fashion is loud enough." She then skulked off to dust her collection of erotica.

"Really?" Albus raised an eyebrow at Luna, trying to ignore their hideous librarian.

"Yeah, this is it!" She flipped the book around to show Albus a strange and stylized spider. "This is what they were covering up."

"Well, let's what it says." He read silently and his eyebrows knitted together in a strange expression.

_The Arachnae Cult originated from Prussia in the 16th Century. The spider, believed to symbolize death and rebirth through poison and bondage was ubiquitous in their iconography. Calling on even more ancient beliefs, the cult practiced ritual sacrifice in order to gain favor among spiders by poisoning their victims and then drinking their blood. This is why the only record of this cult spans three weeks. As one would expect, it was not very popular and quickly faded out._

"I'm not exactly sure what to make of this." Ablus admitted. "I think they're a little smarter than to drink poisoned blood, and the victims were certainly not drained of any bodily fluids, at any rate." He hardly seemed compelled by this evidence.

"But don't you think it's strange to have this exact symbol for a club of intelligent boys who have 'nothing to hide'? A resurrection of this cult would explain the disappearances, it just means that they have adapted the stupid traditional practices to ones more in keeping with personal safety." Luna insisted.

"Well, I would be remiss to not bring this up with the headmaster." Albus admitted.

A short while later found them at the headmaster's office. He was a short, portly man who seemed slightly eccentric.

"And so you see, Headmaster Pahpinfresh, this is at the very least cause for some concern whether or not there is any connection to the present disappearances." Albus finished explaining their discovery.

The Headmaster paused, deep in thought. "Who the hell is she?" He pointed at Luna.

"A classmate." Albus kept the conversation on track. "But what of our research?"

"Indeed, what of your research?" Headmaster Pahpinfresh looked down his nose at them. "Because as I see it, you aren't exactly an exemplary student, Mr. Dumbledore, and have no concrete evidence to be implicating your peers in murder. And in light of your academic record and this young woman's spider face, I'm not exactly inclined to accept whatever information you claim to have found. You were appointed Head Boy by the insistence of your house professor, but I certainly protested!"

"That's not what this is about." Luna said firmly.

"Quiet! You're not even a real spider, so why should I listen to you?" Headmaster Pahpinfresh snapped. "In fact, why am I even listening to either of you? This is clearly a tasteless joke. If you come back here like this again, I'll have you both expelled! Get out of my office!"

The two made a hasty retreat.

"Well, that was about what I expected would happen in assisting an investigation with you." Albus sighed once they were safely in the castle corridors.

"The Headmaster seemed oddly short with us." Luna seemed surprised.

"Not really. We had no real evidence, he's under intense pressure from the authorities, and I lit his office on fire one time - purely by accident, of course." He sighed. "I think someone just found the symbol, thought it looked spiffin', and used it without researching its meaning. I can tell you that the number of students who want to research can be counted on one hand, and none of them are a part of that club."

"I know there's more to it than that!" Luna wouldn't take no for an answer. "I want to go speak with Professor Binns!"

"Well...I'm kind of tired. I was thinking of calling it a day after all of that research and getting chewed out by the Headmaster." Albus tried to hint his way out of further assistance.

"I suppose I should let you rest, then." Luna conceded. "We'll resume the investigation tomorrow. You rest, and I'll go speak to Professor Binns."

"Sure, whatever." Albus took a mad dash away from the girl who was undoubtedly an albatross.

Luna rounded a corner and froze. Her spider eyes widened in shock as she recognized the boys from the cult. Albus may not have been convinced, but the research coupled with the quiet songs of the peebleberries had been all the proof she needed. She took an involuntary step back, betraying her alarm.

"Hello, gentlemen." She tried not to show her suspicion and acted naturally. "I see that the tide of despair fairies has been increasing as of late."

"..."

"Well, I shall be on my way to my house that is Hufflepuff, now." She continued past them at a brisk pace.

"Hey, Spidergirl, did you get a new haircut?" One of the boys called after her.

She froze. There was no way they could be finding her attractive. This could only mean that she was next.

"Yeah, I think she did." The other boys agreed.

Luna turned around and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Yes. You like it?" She answered their challenge with a raging spirit.

"It really suits you." Then they all laughed and walked away, leaving her with a cold feeling inside.

She was marked.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day found Albus searching the castle in agitation. Nula had failed to show up at the designated time and he had waited around for over two hours. His initial annoyance had become anger, but lately changed abruptly to concern and then fear. Where was she?

He started his search with the Great Hall and, through his powers of persuasion and a flash of the ankle, all of the Common Rooms, the library, hell, he even checked the bathrooms. That was when he realized that this wasn't an ordinary student he was thinking about, it was Nula Hatebad. Therein laid the problem: How could he possibly put himself in her spidery shoes? Where on earth would such an individual be hiding?

Thinking like a spider, he began to check high places like the observatory and the rooftops. When this yielded no results, he attempted to check all of the secret nooks and crannies that a spider may like to hide in. Nothing. He even checked the basement, as spiders tended to crawl in through the pipes. That was when he started to become concerned.

Nula seemed to have nothing better to do than bothering him, and everything had seemed fine the day before. He started to entertain darker thoughts. The student disappearances had been proliferating as of late...

At around lunchtime, Albus realized he had skipped all of his morning classes. Deciding there was nothing he could do if a spider didn't want to be found, he went up to his dorm to get the homework for his afternoon classes. After gathering the rolls of parchment from his desk, he noticed in a nearby mirror that his tie was rather dull.

"That's odd. I could have sworn it was shiny this morning." He leaned in closer. "No, it's definitely become an eyesore. I still have time, I'll just switch it with my new one."

He opened the door of his closet and froze.

Wide, deep blue eyes met his own. The pupils were practically pinpricks as they peered up at him in the darkness. The sheer terror reflected in those eyes was certainly nothing to scoff at, but that wasn't what gave him pause.

It was the other pairs of eyes - the unseeing, compound, black eyes - that never lost their freakishness (no matter how often he saw them) surrounded by a grizzled mane of brown hair. Not expecting such a ghastly sight in his own bedroom of all places, Albus' face contorted in shock and he screamed. Quickly composing himself, he gave her a weak smile.

"Good afternoon, Miss Hatebad." He had forgotten about closets and a spider's love for hiding in the places they were least welcome. "I see that you have once again resourcefully found your way into places you ought not to be."

She was breathing rapidly, and her eyes were darting back and forth in panic. He was quite perplexed as to why she should be more terrified than he was.

"Albus, they're after me! I'm next." Her uncharacteristic whisper was hoarse with panic. He had never heard her sound so urgent.

"What are you talking about, Nula?" He frowned in confusion, starting to feel quite apprehensive.

"It was those fraternity boys! I met them alone the other night and they asked me if I'd gotten a haircut." She was shaking.

"What? But there's no way they could possibly find you attractive as you are." Albus lost his tact.

"I know! That's what I thought!" Luckily Luna had none either, so she didn't notice.

"How on earth did you get in here?" Albus was distracted by his sudden spider-related thoughts. "Did you crawl in through the air ducts? Were you sent in a package? Did you come in one someone's fruit salad?" His mind was boggled, so he thought up the most ridiculous forms of spider infiltration. Surely Hogwarts' security couldn't be so easily thwarted!

"No, I just took off my mask and waited in the hallway until someone opened the door. The Fat Lady was convinced that I was a different person, so I really had no problem. Then I snuck into your room while you were sleeping and hid in your closet."

Albus was all at once horrified and confused. Truly the school was even more of a death trap than any of them could have imagined. Someone was abducting and killing the students while no one was the wiser and this creepy spider of a girl could scuttle through the castle corridors at will.

"I know that it's bad form to sneak into someone's room and hide there without their knowledge, so I apologize for that." There was no wispy quality to her voice anymore, and Albus found himself suddenly taking her more seriously than he ever had before. "But I didn't know who else I could turn to. Professor Binns doesn't like me very much and, other than him, you're really the only person I know at the school."

Albus, while still considering she might possibly be a stalker, relaxed in spite of his better judgment and offered a calm, peaceful smile.

"No harm done, Miss Hatebad. You may stay as long as you need to, but I would recommend that you consider leaving at some point. After all, you can't hide forever. If all you do is hide, then you become a passive receptor to whatever may happen when they find you. I rather think it's better to get to the bottom of this and fight with all I've got, don't you?" Still not convinced of any real danger, Albus attempted to convince her to leave at some point. Otherwise, he would probably not be able to fall asleep knowing that there really was a monster in his closet.

She stood up straight and looked a little more resolved.

"You're right. I've studied magic long enough to know that I can rely on myself." Her voice returned to its comfortable, calm murmur. "I know more about magical secrets than anyone, so who better to deal with this new threat than I? Maybe I can stop it before others are harmed."

"That's the Nula I've come to know and fear." Albus gave a friendly wink. "But I really must be off to my classes, or else I'll be in trouble."

"Alright. I'll take a few minutes to compose myself and be on my way." Luna smiled at him.

Ablus sighed, left his room, and made his way through the crowded hallway of the boy's dormitory to head to classes with everyone else. He meandered through the press of bodies and the murmur of gossiping voices around him, but paused when he suddenly noticed that someone was calling his name. He turned around.

"Albus!" It was Gilbert, one of the members of the creepy spider club, flanked by two other members.

"Gilbert! How are you today?" Albus rudely ignored his friends.

"Oh, the usual." He face seemed unnaturally relaxed. "Hey, are you friends with that girl who's been running around wearing a spider mask?" He attempted and failed to broach the subject naturally.

"Oh, her?" Albus raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you know, I've just been helping her out with a few things since I'm Head Boy. She's rather hopeless sometimes." He smiled fondly.

"Well, have you seen her today?" Gilbert approached, standing unnaturally close.

Albus didn't fail to recognize the urgency this time. "No, I haven't seen her around today. Why do you ask?" He continued to smile, but his eyes became sharper.

"Well, it's awfully suspicious, don't you think?" Gilbert broached the subject. "This girl suddenly shows up right around the time students start disappearing."

"Ah." Albus had a moment of doubt. After all, he couldn't exactly say that Nula wasn't suspicious. He also felt somewhat appalled that he hadn't thought of this question before. Could Nula ...? No. No, her fear was real enough. There had to be more to go on than that.

"So you're all searching for the Spider Girl because you think she is responsible for these disappearances?" Albus looked at them, his eyes hard and serious as he tried to gauge the situation.

None of them met his eyes.

"Of course!" Gilbert exclaimed. "Who else could it be?" Albus saw the flash of anger in his eyes and noticed their evasive glances, tense body posture, and clenched fists.

They were lying.

"We know you've been friendly with her lately, but you should watch yourself." Another boy, Nathan, piped up, "because you never know what might happen."

Albus was taken aback.

"We're going to find her, even if we have to scour the whole school."

He couldn't forget that determined, antagonizing face.

"I see. Well, I won't keep you from your search. Ah, but it seems I have forgotten my parchment for Care of Magical Creatures. Damn if that Professor Kettlecorn doesn't give a lot of homework. Excuse me." He brushed past them and sprinted back to his room just as Luna was about to emerge.

He pushed her back in by her shoulders, turned her around and shoved her into the open closet again.

"You know what, maybe you should wait in here until classes are over. I'll bring you something to eat tonight and we can talk more then." He said in an urgent whisper.

"That's quite a dramatic change from earlier." Luna responded in a sleepy voice.

"Well, as per usual, things tend to get a lot more complicated when you're around." Albus gave a grim smile.

"That's because of the ill fortune monkey spirit that follows me." She replied without missing a beat.

"Right. So I'll see you after class." He could never tell if she was serious.

Luna nodded gravely and shut the door to the closet.


	7. Chapter 7

Luna and Albus were chasing shadows. They swirled and crept through the semi-darkness of Hogwarts' stone corridors. Certainly the shadows could have been wonderful metaphors for the dark goings-on of late and the lingering fear and anxiety of the student body. But they were real shadows being cast by creeping hooded figures who snuck about the halls after hours. Swift of foot and virtually silent, they were indeed a difficult quarry.

Stopping at a junction, Luna peered cautiously around the corner. Albus wondered at that point if maybe he shouldn't have been leading the party. However, her head whipped back almost instantly and she started trying to communicate with hand gestures. Mostly it just looked like hand puppets of a dinosaur trying to eat a sheep, and Albus found himself quite at a loss. Giving him a piercing gaze, she looked at him expectantly. He slowly shrugged his shoulders, trying to convey his complete lack of comprehension. She nodded in satisfaction, and continued on. Albus practically tripped over his robe trying to keep up with this living enigma.

The previous night, after discussing what had happened in Albus' confrontation with certain members of the Spider Fraternity, they had decided to keep tabs on the group. Albus' night was rather sleepless, both from the anxiety of potentially having to confront his classmates and also from the knowledge that a creepy-looking Nula Hatebad was sleeping under his bed. He had nightmares at several points.

The next morning after class, Albus was awoken from his desk nap by the conspiratory whispers of two members of the fraternity who were talking just outside the door, apparently oblivious to his presence. They mostly just talked spiders and hot girls and how awesome the two would be if they could somehow be put together. But something in particular caught his interest.

"Don't forget about the _mixer_ tonight. We have to _look out_ for the _guest of honour_." Albus found both the tone and the excessive use of ilatics highly suspicious.

Upon consulting Nula (though he certainly didn't expect her to be the voice of reason - she had abandoned that post before she was even born) the two agreed to follow the youths in order to discover the truth once and for all. They hit up the corridor after lights out and hid outside the Thin Lady's portrait. Sure enough, several young men glided out of the portrait no more than half an hour later.

The surveillance was a lot less exciting than they had expected. First, the ones they were following shuffled aimlessly around the corridors for a bit throughout half of the school. After about two hours, they met up with the other half of their group who had presumably done the same thing.

"Well, everything seems to be in order for tonight." Nathan muttered to the assembled people.

"Did you hear that?" Nula whispered tensely.

Albus nodded slowly.

"Alright, everyone." Colin quietly began talking to his assembled followers. "Tonight, as you know, is a very important night - possibly our most daring campaign ever. Gather the materials and meet back here as soon as you are able to. Tonight's the night."

Albus and Luna barely dove behind a tapestry before the members ran off in different directions. A short twenty minutes later found the boys out of breath and with a small pile of armor pieces that they had stolen. Waiting for everyone to return, they began to gossip, as all boys do, while the pile of armor grew larger.

"So, have you seen that spider girl recently?" Freddy began.

"No!" Jonathan replied, genuinely upset. "I've looked and looked, but I just can't find her. It's inconceivable that I overlooked her, so she must have somehow found out. You don't suppose that Albus-"

"Don't worry about that one." Nathan smiled. "I told him to step off and he looked like he was going to pee his pants." Dumbledore frowned, irritated that the assembled group believed this obvious lie.

"Wow! Really?" Freddy replied.

Nathan puffed up. "I sure did! We can't have him horning in on our woman, not when we finally found someone who loves spiders as much as we do. A girl like that is wasted on him."

"Did you see her the day that she had leaves in her hair? It was AMAZING!" Jonathan looked dreamy.

Dumbledore turned candidly to Luna as the boys' conversation continued much in this way.

"I'm a little confused right now." He admitted.

"It's hard to be born different, but trust your instincts. You deserve to be happy, whether it be with a man or a spider woman of some kind." Luna smiled reassuringly.

"That's not what I was talking about." Albus was irritated. "They seemed so suspicious. But they're just standing around being idiots."

"Well, we should probably still see what they want all of that armor for." Nula looked pensive. "Maybe for dark occlumency."

Albus didn't even bother to tell her that the two were unrelated.

"Alright, everyone's here! Good. Take a piece of armor and let's assemble outside the Forbidden Forest to do our dark deed." Colin spoke grandly, as though he had assumed a different, darker persona.

"Maybe we were right after all." Dumbledore murmured inaudibly to himself.

"Quietly, now." Colin motioned for silence as they all crept out wearing a piece of armor each.

Luna and Albus managed to still find a decent hiding place behind a tree at the edge of the Forbidden Forest as the group assembled. Colin lowered his head.

"You all know what you must do." His voice boomed.

"Actually," Jonathan raised his hand sheepishly. "Can I do something else today?"

"What?" Colin's eyes narrowed in irritation. "You were assigned the task that best suits your abilities. You dare question my judgment?"

"It's not so much your judgment, I just feel like I've grown a little more since last time. I'm more confident and I think that I can take on more responsibilities. I want some glory too!"

Nathan angrily threw his helm to the floor in order to emphasize his point. "We can't ALL be night elves, okay?"

"But I'm tired of being a dwarf! I know I'm short, but I'm capable of so much more. If this were tabletop you guys wouldn't be treating me this way. Admit it - you just see me as a short, hairy nincompoop." Jonathan snapped back.

"Now, now, as a Dwarf you have a lot to offer. You have a high constitution and you're sturdy." Colin tried to soothe the young man's angry feelings.

"You're just using me for my +21 forging skills!" Jonathan wailed.

"Well, considering that if you transfer races your excess skill points vanish, I suppose that that is part of the reason, yes. Dammit Jonathan, we asked you if you were okay being the dwarf this term! What the hell?" Colin stamped his foot in anger.

"We don't have time for this! The sun will soon rise and then the dark minions of Lord Azarath will become invisible stone statues once again. If we do not hasten and thin their numbers before this next morrow, their dark army will be complete!" Some random boy shouted.

"He is right, my friends. Now is no time for dissent among the ranks. Jonathan, if you fight well in this campaign I shall reward you for your efforts." Colin conceded. "But what?" He whirled around. "They are already upon us~! MAGIC MISSILE!" He shouted, throwing a pretend nothing at another pretend nothing.

And their epic role-playing began. Albus whirled away from the boys as they crazily shouted and jumped around to look at Luna.

"What the hell is this?" He was completely at a loss. "What are they doing? What is 'Magic Missile'?"

"Ah! Father told me about these! Surely it is the influence of a muggle-born. These creatures are LARPers, often only confined to the muggle world. We're very lucky to be able to see them outside of their natural habitat." Luna smiled sleepily.

"Sadly, I shall never be able to look at Colin the same way again." Albus looked unhappy.

"But you can still ogle his ass." Luna offered consolation.

"It's no longer worth it."

"OH!" Luna started and looked down.

"What is it?" Albus asked, looking down as well.

Her leg was covered in spiders. They were moving with a single-minded purpose into the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Luna stood up and gently brushed them off, looking toward the school to see a thin ribbon of black coming from the castle basement in a pulsing spider river.

"My. Hogwarts' janitor sure isn't doing his job." Luna muttered.

"Well, seeing as the Spider Fraternity lead was a complete bust, I'd say that this strange development warrants further investigation?" Albus suggested.

Luna nodded. "Well, it is rather peculiar since the bi-annual Spider Parade never takes place this close to Winter Solstice."

"Shall we follow them?" Although not afraid of spiders, Albus found their numbers and seemingly single-minded purpose somewhat intimidating.

Luna gave a barely perceptible nod and took off rather quickly in pursuit of the spiders' destination.

They traveled in relative silence, the only sound echoing through the dark, eerie woods being the strike of their feet against compact earth. It was somewhat disconcerting.

"So...those guys in the club did indeed fancy you after all." Albus sought to calm his nerves with small talk.

"You were indeed correct, sir. I was mistaken. Had I know they were LARPers I would have recognized their attraction to the hideous right away." She grinned.

"But why would they LARP when they can use real magic?" Dumbledore wondered aloud.

"The thrill of the unknown - the unknown of not being able to use magic. Having to rely on your imagination is a bit different in our world, so I think it's exotic for them." Luna suggested.

"That was rather insightful of you, Nula." Albus neglected to mention that it seemed like it was the first time since he had met her.

They both ceased their conversation as they became aware of a soft murmuring. As quietly as they could manage, they crept toward a clearing. Although the words grew clearer, the meaning remained obscure, as it seemed to be in a language neither of them knew. As they drew even closer, it suddenly stopped.

Inside of a small clearing was the destination of the little spiders. At first Albus and Luna could see the back of a hooded figure facing a giant spider. But as they looked closer, they realized that the shape of the spider wavered and moved as though it were a giant wave. The dark eight-legged form was swelling in size as it continued to be fed by the small army of arachnids, and it was taking the form of the recently dispatched Saragog. In other words, it was a giant spider made of spiders. The hooded figure reached out to lovingly caress the hideous spider spider, and then suddenly paused. The figure turned its head to the side as though listening, although all Luna and Albus could hear was the rustling of thousands of tiny bodies. Suddenly, the figure turned around, staring right at the place where they were hiding.

"You need not bother hiding anymore. My children have told me all." He said in an ominous voice.

A shiver ran down their spines at the sound of that voice. It was inconceivable. There was no way to get out of this now. Albus recovered his mettle quicker and stood up, offering his hand to Luna. She slowly stood as well, and the two turned to face the man.

"Well, aren't they gossipy little bastards." Albus gave a bitter smile.

The man laughed. "I've been expecting you two. And waiting in particular for you, Nula Hatebad."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Train Wreck**

If Luna was frightened by this ominous man's implications, she hid it well.

"Here I am." She gave him a steely look. "Although I must say that I'm surprised to see you here….Headmaster Pahpinfresh."

"As am I." Albus wanted in on the drama.

The Headmaster gave a chilling laugh and turned so that his good side was facing them. "I see you two are as stoic and troublesome as ever." He stroked his chin evilly. "I must say it was quite annoying when you started investigating the student disappearances. But I'll make sure that you stop causing me such problems – and get _revenge_."

"For what? I already told you that I was sorry about your desk." Albus sighed, irritated at the senseless violence that had resulted from one small lapse in judgment.

"Please." Headmaster Pahpinfresh rolled his eyes. "Although I miss the spider paraphernalia that was contained within that desk, your paltry act of pyromania left no lasting marks on my existence. In fact, my current desk is far nicer. It's made of mahogany."

"Then what is driving you to revenge?"

Luna's eyes widened. "That spider that I killed and made this hat out of!"

Headmaster Pahpinfresh visibly flinched at her insensitivity.

"And these boots." Luna gestured to her feet.

"Ghhhhh…." The Headmaster made a strained hissing noise.

"What do you mean, Nula?" Albus looked inquiringly at the girl.

"I have a confession to make, Albus. I don't really go to Hogwart's at this point in time. I've been squatting in the forest and stealing your toilet paper. I killed this giant spider on my first day here in order to get food. Then I made this nifty disguise," Luna explained.

"I…really don't know what to say." Albus admitted.

"She was the only one I loved!" The Headmaster screamed. "You killed Saragog and have been parading around the school in her corpse. It has been **agony** trying to not kill you where you stand every time I see you! And then those asshole Spider Club members are following you around and rejoicing in your horrid slaughter. It's more than I can BEAR!" He punched a tree in his anger, splitting the knuckles. "But do you know what is worse?" He glared at her, his blood dripping to the ground unnoticed as though he had transcended pain.

"What?" Albus looked at him warily.

"I have all these dead students and no one to feed them to!" He gestured angrily to a previously unnoticed pile of student corpses.

"HOLY SHIT!" Albus screamed, reviled by the mere sight and fighting the urge to vomit. In later years, he would become desensitized to spectre of death.

"So I was right!" Luna clapped her hands together. "She _was_ eating the students!"

"I think you're mixing up cause and effect…" Albus leaned against a tree, having failed at keeping his lunch down.

"I cannot possibly express in words how utterly pissed I am that someone as stupid as you killed my one true love." Headmaster Pahpanfresh massaged the bridge of his nose.

"Maybe if you'd fed her heartier meals, she wouldn't have gone looking for snacks. Then I wouldn't have killed her." Luna suggested.

"WARWARWARWARWAR! It's okay dear, you have me now! My bodies are in the thousands, so there are more of me to love. It's totally hot." The spider spider tried to comfort Headmaster Pahpinfresh and somehow was able to speak.

"You're right, my love. I shouldn't get so emotional." He let the spider spiders caress his face lovingly. "And once I sacrifice these final two students you can become a true corporeal being."

"This is kind of gross…" Albus whispered under his breath.

Tears were streaming down Luna's face.

"There's nothing more beautiful than true love." Her voice quivered with emotion. "He sacrificed so much to bring this spider spider into being."

"But…he was sacrificing the lives of others. So really, he didn't sacrifice anything of his own." Albus argued.

"But they were _his_ school's students." Luna smiled triumphantly. "It's really beautiful how he worked through the pain of his loss to find new love."

"I'm glad you understand." Headmaster Pahpinfresh sounded truly moved at first. "Now die." His face collapsed into an expression of pure hatred. Mixed with sadness, so it wasn't really pure hatred. Maybe some kind of hatred alloy.

"_Avada kadavra_!" He minced no words in attempting to kill them.

"WARWARWAR!" The spider spider, serving as Saragog's resurrected form, surged forward in a hideous mass of tangled limbs toward Albus, because it knew that it totally creeped him out more.

"Gandalf's nutsack!" Albus screamed, trying to simultaneously dodge the wave of spiders while brushing feverishly at his arms and legs. "Get them off!"

Nula didn't even have to dodge the wild spell cast by the emotionally distraught Headmaster.

"Hey, I think your blind grief is working!" Luna yelled, and then removed her helmet.

She chucked the hollow spider head at Headmaster Pahpinfresh as hard as she could. Although the Headmaster managed to catch it, she was rewarded when he turned it over to look into Saragog's lifeless eyes and screamed in rage.

"She tasted good." Luna narrowed her eyes, smiling as she baited him further.

Albus turned to look at Nula in horror and paused in surprise at her face. Framed by pale gold hair, her face was quite okay-looking and not the hideous burn-victim face that he had been expecting. It was quite anti-climactic really. Although he had to admit that her horrifying spider face certainly made her look gorgeous by comparison. He filed this fact away for future reference.

Taking advantage of his momentary distraction, the spider spider brought a column of spiders crashing down on Albus' head. He screamed, trying to get them out of his hair and eyes, which only succeeded in giving them access to his mouth. With him distracted, the remaining spiders descended upon Luna, who had been preparing to kick the Headmaster in his grief-stricken testicles.

They squirmed all over her, restraining her and covering every inch of her body except for her face and hands. Luna couldn't help but convulse at the horrifying sensation of thousands of tiny, hairy legs squirming all over her.

"Ah!" She started, as she suddenly felt hundreds of tiny bites. "Albus, they're biting me!" She screamed, losing her resolve.

"AGAJKFHJSDKFHJISLHFKSDHGLHS!" Albus was rolling around on the ground, trying to get the spiders off of him. Screaming only meant more of them went into his mouth.

"DAAAAAA HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAA!" Headmaster Pahpinfresh revealed prematurely that he hadn't practiced his evil laugh enough. "Although this is only a fraction of the discomfort you caused my beloved Saragog, I still find it rather satisfying! Now, tiny spiders, inject them with your poison! Thus, they shall die a slow, painful, agonizing de-"

"_Methanolicus Typhoonium_!" Came the dues ex machina cry.

A huge wave of rubbing alcohol came crashing down on the thousands of spiders and, consequently, Luna and Albus. Covering the spiders, the alcohol suffocated them. Their little bodies twitched spasmodically as they died a brutal and painful death. Headmaster Pahpinfresh stared in stunned silence at the writhing legs and snapping mandibles that seemed to be screaming desperately for help.

Luna had enough sense to shut her eyes. Albus, apparently, had not.

"IT'S IN MY EYES!" He screamed in pain, blinded by the burning and choking on the heavy alcohol fumes.

Luna, choking as well, fought back the urge to collapse.

"_Shamwow!_" Luna cast in desperation, soaking up the remaining liquid and diffusing the fumes with its Febreeze-laced fibres. The clearing was left with a winter fresh scent.

"I see you're no shortage of trouble, Albus." Came the familiar voice. "_Lasikus_!"

Albus' eyes healed and gradually a face came into focus.

"Professor Binns!" Albus smiled in relief.

"You're going to owe me detention for this one, Mr. Dumbledore." Professor Binns stood up with a brave smile.

"Muh-what did I do?" Albus looked at Professor Binns in shock. "He killed the students, not me!"

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you in the woods at night, Binns, seeing as it's Wednesday – the day that the female faculty members assemble into a naked coven to practice their_ arts_." Headmaster Pahpinfresh smiled, quite irritated.

"Likewise, I'm not surprised to find you out here with some creepy spider lover." Professor Binns retorted, helping Nula and Albus to their feet.

"That you **killed**." Pahpinfresh was not amused. "It's going to take ages and lots of dead students to get another spider spider."

"I have another suggestion. How about: You're under arrest." Binns finished ungrammatically with a statement instead of a question.

"You know, I'll admit that you have me outnumbered right now. Unfortunately you've forced my hand. Or should I say, _hands_!" He threw his robes open.

Everyone's fear that he was a flasher was quickly abated as they took in the sight of his six arms, all holding a wand each.

"Wu-ooooooow." Professor Binns was completely stunned.

"Don't look now, Binsy, I've got my _eyes_ on you!" He pulled off his toupee to reveal additional eyes.

"You…got those from the students you killed, didn't you?" Professor Binns was horrified.

"I magically grafted these to my body so that my love and I could have more in common." He whispered sensuously. "But her being dead kind of makes that a moot point."

"I desperately want to vomit again, but there's nothing left!" Albus moaned, leaning against a tree for support.

"I've got some left." Luna muttered, and then was sick herself.

"Get your wands ready, we don't have time for personal luxuries!" Binns shouted, tense and ready for whatever move the Headmaster was going to make.

"I'd hardly call it a luxury." Albus wiped his mouth on his sleeve, taking out his wand.

"I've had it up to here with your witty banter! _Avada Kadavra_!" The Headmaster shot two unforgivable curses at each opponent from different angles.

Acting quickly and realizing that Luna and Albus were still not prepared for an attack, Professor Binns grabbed both by the waist and pulled them to the ground.

"Get down!" He yelled as the spells flew harmlessly into random wildlife and LARPERs.

Leaping back to his feet without so much as a moment's hesitation, Professor Binns went into the offensive, firing off as many successive spells as he could manage. However, Headmaster Pahpinfresh's superior hand-eye-coordination and abundance of wands blocked every single one with time to spare for a counter.

"_Expelliarimus_!" Binns was easily disarmed and flew into a tree.

He looked desperately at Luna and Albus,

"Run!" He yelled hoarsely, eyes wide.

"You always say yourself that I don't pay enough attention in class. I have no intention of changing that." Albus muttered, starting to stand up.

"_Expelliarimus_!"

"Well, crap." Albus looked at his now wandless hands.

"There's just too many wands!" Luna yelled, strangely emotional, as she too looked at her empty hands.

"And now you will die!"

Suddenly, there was a loud, deafening boom that distracted everyone. In a bright flash of light, a figure appeared behind Professor Binns. Only Luna recognized him.

"Who the hell are you?" Headmaster Pahpinfresh demanded.

The man only smiled, his blue eyes twinkling behind half moon spectacles.

"I'm not sure who you are or why you're here, but please help u-"

Professor Binns was interrupted by the man,

"_Infernace_!" He yelled, his silver hair whirling around him.

Aiming for the Headmaster, Binns was tragically caught in the crossfire and burned to a crisp as a wave of flame descended on the evil Headmaster. Although the Headmaster attempted to cast the counter-curse, the fire was much too strong.

Before Luna could see the results of the fire, she had been grabbed around the middle and suddenly vanished from the clearing along with the strange man. Albus was left alone, trembling violently, surrounded by death.

"Nula?"

* * *

Luna was temporarily blinded by light and deafened by a roaring sound as she felt herself being pulled through time once again.

When these unpleasant sensations stopped, she found herself in Dumbledore's office standing next to the familiar Headmaster.

"Sir?" Her eyes widened in shock, hardly believing it all.

"Good afternoon, Miss Hatebad." He smiled knowingly.

"Wait, what about Albus!" Still shaken, she asked a stupid question.

"Oh, I think he'll be okay." Dumbledore inclined his head, neglecting to mention that that would be after copious amounts of therapy.

"But, how did you know?" Luna was trembling slightly as the events began to catch up with her.

"Well, you see, once you enrolled here at Hogwart's I recognized my old friend from so many years ago and remembered your cryptic statement about how you did not attend Hogwart's at "this time". I also have memories of an old man appearing out of nowhere to save the day, spirit my friend away, and who bore a striking resemblance to myself. After that, it was quite simple to put the pieces together. And when your father reported you missing, I realized that it was time to play my part."

Luna suddenly buckled, and Dumbledore managed to catch her and help her into a chair.

"I'm home." She breathed, scarcely believing it.

"You are indeed. I can see that some tea is in order." He smiled kindly, and conjured up some sweet, sweet liquid therapy.

Luna accepted the cup gratefully and took a sip, letting the warmth spread through her and hoping that it would also bring a sense of calm. Then, she suddenly stopped.

"Wait…you didn't try to shoot around Binns at all. If you remembered everything that happened, then you would have known where he was standing and that he would have died." Luna gave him a strange look.

Dumbledore looked at her gravely.

"Acceptable losses." He grinned. "Besides, I can't change the course of history…probably."

"I **knew** that you did on purpose!" Binns suddenly popped out of the floor from where he had been eavesdropping (every day ever since Dumbledore had become Headmaster).

"Professor Binns! I never got a chance to thank you for saving me and-"

"SHUT UP you SPIDER HARLOT!" Professor Binns screamed. "You both are total ASSHOLES! Do you think I WANTED to be a history teacher FOREVER?"

"No?" Luna shrank back at his tyrade.

"Now, now, Professor. Even you know the rules about time traveling." Dumbledore tried to calm the raging spectre.

"BULL!" Binns held himself back from cursing.

"That's the spirit." Dumbledore dismissed him.

"Ha ha, good one, sir!" Luna laughed delicately, a lovely, tinkling sound.

Professor Binns dove through the floor, sobbing loudly about how they ruined his life.

Luna, feeling slightly awkward, returned to her tea.

"Are you feeling better, Miss Lovegood?" Dumbledore asked, sitting behind his desk.

"I'm beginning to feel more myself, sir." She closed her eyes briefly, amazed to be home again.

"I imagine it must have been quite an ordeal to believe you would never be coming home." Dumbledore offered sympathetically. "You had seemed so upset back then, but I wasn't sure why."

"I couldn't break the Time Code." She nodded, taking another sip of tea.

"You did us all proud." Dumbledore offered.

His tone hadn't changed much from 150 years ago, leading Luna to wonder if he had truly looked upon her as a friend, or if he was helping her out of obligation. She took another sip of tea, looking around at the familiar surroundings.

"You take your time, Miss Lovegood, and you can return to your house to rest when you are feeling up to it." Dumbledore offered kindly.

A sudden glint caught her eye and she noticed a hideous face perched upon the shelf behind his desk. The hollowed out spider mask had clearly been sitting there for some time, as the colours had greatly faded and it looked almost paper thin. Still, it had been carefully dusted over the years. Luna smiled.

"Thank you."


End file.
